i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
not ubering you a puppy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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