Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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