i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
