remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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