I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
