Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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