Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
