My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
