so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hippo gnu deer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
