It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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