drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize