I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize