I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
