i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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