i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's blow job season.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
