we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
