if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
