I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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