Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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