dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
