I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
