Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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