She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
