Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
