Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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