I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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