Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
