i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
