I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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