Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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