Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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