I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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