I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize