I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
