do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
