I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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