Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i've created a new STD.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
