miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
