im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
