wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
