I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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