I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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