I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
