the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
