u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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