She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
