i need an iv and a liver transplant
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
