he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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