Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
