I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
