he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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