I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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