im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
