Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
