i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
