Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
