Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
