Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Alive.
So much puke
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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