Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
