I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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