Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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