the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
