I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
