the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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