Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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