you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
