You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
