I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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