As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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