I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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