so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
