I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
