HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
