I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
