There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Rumble strips road head = magical
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
