my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize