Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
