No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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