How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
