is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
