I will die if light touches me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
