she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
