How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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