i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
