I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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