I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
