therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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