I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
