apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
