if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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