My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
