and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My ass is underappreciated
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
