All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so much tequila, so little girl.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
