how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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