she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
