dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
