I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
