Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
