Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize