How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
