Dual....:-)
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That's how twitter works, right?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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