Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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