I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
