She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
