You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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