He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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