once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize