Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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