Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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