If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
