shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
