We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
