I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
