So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
