Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
