I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
