all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
